elevators.

Next time I'm on an elevator with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today."

random conversations, "You've just been Warhol-ed!," & NYC

The following is an actual conversation that happened today:

Guy at Whole Foods, (puzzled): Does your bracelet say "suck it?"

Me, (deadpan): Yes, yes it does. I'm very mature.

(awkward silence)

Guy at Whole Foods, (amused): You always seem to be buying dog food and wine.

Me, (deadpan): Well, yes, of course. The dog food is for me and the wine is for my dog.

Guy at Whole Foods, (leary): Oh. I see.

In other news, my friend Kate is a model and designer who goes to AI. Her face is currently ALL over the school, and I acquired 4 posters to give her the Andy Warhol treatment in the style of Marilyn Monroe. Or the Marilyn Monroe treatment in the style of Andy Warhol. Whatever, you know what I mean. Hence, "You've just been Warhol-ed!"

And last but not least, I leave for NYC tomorrow night. It's going to be rad. Bye.

stuff I've been up to, + best song ever.

I decorated a cast:

I worked on my Last Supper puzzle:

And I booked tickets with Hannah for NYC. Seeya soon, gurls and guyz. Redeye Weds PM from Portland, home the following Tues. Will see the German expressionist show, Alexander McQueen (!!!!!!), and Jim Dine exhibit... as well as Dine's artist talk at the Morgan! Other things too, but I'm so stoked for these I can't even describe.

Other than that... new fave song: B.S.E. by Young Galaxy. Here's why:

"You & I

We mess up and survive

When we feel like we're falling

Let's dive"

And... that's all.

artist statements.

Artist statements are IMPOSSIBLE to write.

Case in point- here's a rough draft:

"I am inspired by clouds, imaginary animals, wine, fashion magazines, and your mom. My favorite media is watercolor crayon (sometimes also acrylics, but only if finger painted on). Basically, I make art and stuff because I'm not great at anything else. I'm not saying I'm great at art, but you should see me try to do long division. In other words: suck it. The end."

An excellent start, if you ask me.

Friday the 13th. & stuff.

While by most accounts I am an incredibly superstitious person, I personally have nothing against Friday the 13th. In fact, I am a huge fan of the number 13... I like all numbers that include, add to, or can be divided into 3, as 3 is my lucky number. I have an OCD-esque affinity for odd numbers, and 3 is my favorite one of all.

Now, let me tell you why this particular Friday the 13th is particularly wondrous. Tonight, the Moon, the star Spica, and SATURN will form a triangle in the sky, and for anyone with binoculars and/or a telescope, Saturn's rings will be easily viewable. I leapt eagerly out of bed this morning when I saw the sun and bright blue sky, crossing my fingers in hopes that this blessed spell of weather will last into the evening, allowing me to view my favorite planet. Seriously, it's worth it. I remember the only other time I saw Saturn's rings, when my dad woke me at 3:30 am in 4th grade to peer on my tip-toes through our telescope. It's an image that has stuck with me so intensely that I can still picture it like it was yesterday.

In other night-sky-news (just in case you are not oddly space-obsessed as I am), in the early morning about 30 minutes before sunrise, you can see 4 planets (Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter, respectively) rise over the eastern horizon before the sun appears. It's a truly remarkable spectacle, one that will not occur again until the year 2056. If you have an unobstructed eastern view and the desire to see something especially rad, I highly recommend waking up (or, if you're like me, staying up) to see this at least once.

And in unrelated news, here's what I've been up to lately:

I went to visit my sister in Seattle. This is a life-size chess set on the roof of her building. Needless to say, I was incredibly jealous.

My fried Jay came down to visit for our birthdays. I was obsessed with finding an Etch-A-Sketch, so we went on an adventure to Target in search of one. When we couldn't find it, we settled on a Lite Brite instead. The above was our first lighted work of art... if you can't tell, it's an UN-birthday cake.

Jay, me, Brittany and Shae out celebrating how old we are. We got Shae to wear a dress, which was unprecedented and amazing. Everyone in this picture is wearing clothing of mine, which is also awesome. Dress up is so fun!

Also while at Target, Jay and I picked out a Last Supper jigsaw puzzle. The above is what we finished the first night... I haven't gotten much further since she left. Please note Jesus to the right side of this photo. I talked about this puzzle so much that my friends Brittany and Kate burst out laughing when their prof showed a slide of this painting in their Dress & Society class at AI. I received pictures and messages describing the situation, and let me just say that I am incredibly proud that while I no longer go to the school, I am still able to create harmless disruption as I enjoyed doing so many times before. Here is the picture Kate sent to me:

I tie-dyed this saddle pad for my horse, Jimmy. He likes it.

ALSO, I am proud to say I finally came up with a formula for water-resistant sidewalk chalk. I have tested it, and I think I finally got it right. Above you can see part of the process, where I make a mold out of tinfoil to hold the chalk while I bake it. Don't ask me how I eventually came up with this method, it took many test runs as well as both an advanced level of stupidity and an incredibly easily-amused disposition. While I will not divulge my top-secret method, I will give you this hint: I used honey as part of my binder. I am sharing that because I came up with it thanks to PRINTMAKING! The water-soluble ink we used has a honey binder, and while it IS water-soluble... anyone who experienced this special ink will understand that it takes a little more than the equivalent of a light rain to get it off of ANYTHING.

I also painted a lot. This is what I found when I went to look at the time. It made me laugh.

Also, a blanket fort was made in my apartment consisting of horse show blankets and my bed comforter. Don't even try to pretend that you're not jealous.

And last, but certainly not least, my dog was again dressed up as a shark. Also, I painted his toe nails blue. His expression pretty much sums up his feelings on the situation.

In conclusion, here is something that I recently realized and which I think is pretty funny: HECK is a combination of HELL and FUCK. It's officially my new favorite word.

It's my birthday, and I'll write about whatever I want to...

(like, "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to," only dumber... but hopefully funnier.)

So suck on that!

Just kidding... kinda.

AAAAAAANYWAY, it is my birthday, and I am officially halfway to 50. (Thank you to my little big sister Nicole, who pointed that out to me. No really, thanks sis. Love ya back. You're halfway to 44, so deal with that. That comeback doesn't look as cool in print as it sounded in my head.)

Already, at only 3am, I feel quite loved-- more so than I thought. One of my best, favorite-est friends phoned at exactly 12 to wish me a Happy Birthday, followed by a slew of early morning messages. I truly have the BEST friends in the world-- and I'd like to a take a moment to apologize for not always being as great to you as you are to me. I'll work on it, in my newly-acquired old age. ;)

Let me start by commenting on this shindig known by the masses as "The Royal Wedding." To be perfectly honest, I care 50% of fuck all about the aforementioned ceremony. I wrote an open letter to the media stating the following: "Unless it involves Lady Gaga, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, Queen Latifah, or the Burger King, America doesn't give a shit about Royal Weddings." I received a rude awakening upon finding out that actually... loads of people do. What... idiots.

In all honesty, I think a lot of my hostility towards this seemingly ridiculous ceremony stems from my personal feelings to the dire situations occurring across the planet. The last time I (purposely) stayed up all night glued to breaking news was while watching the unfolding extreme tragedy that occurred in Japan. I was in Palm Springs, and I vividly remember flipping to Anderson Cooper on CNN hoping for a diatribe about my life mentor, Charlie Sheen, only to find a breaking report about a devastating earthquake and tsunami warnings in Japan. I couldn't tear myself away from the TV that night as I watched in shock at the live reports depicting the unbelievable catastrophe engulfing the unsuspecting Japanese people. If you've read any of my previous posts, I'm a self-proclaimed insomniac who often turns to the most retarded programming to get myself through the late nights while waiting (literally) for paint to dry. I could've cared less about the royal wedding, until it was on 10 of my "favorite" late night channels last night. I watched it, yet for whatever reason couldn't shake the feeling I had while watching the tragedy in Japan just a little over a month ago. (Also see: devastating tornadoes in the midwest last week.)

OK, ADD girl: I'm watching a Conan rerun in the background right now, and they're talking about lucid dreaming- SOMETHING I DO ALMOST NIGHTLY. Weird. I should write about this. No one cares, but if you've never experienced it-- it's slightly cool but slightly FUCKING scary.

Anyway, my point about the royal wedding: I don't have one. I just don't understand the fascination, and personally (though I've talked about it with people who have views on all sides), I can't get behind it, with all the devastation that's currently happening in the world. Still, before I'm struck down by lightning, congrats to the Prince & his wife-chick. Duke & Duchess? Whateve. Write me off as an ignorant American, I'm cool with that.

BACK TO ME. Duh.

It is in fact my 25th birthday, so I'm gonna go ahead and share 25 facts that you may or may not know about me:

o1. I only learned to write in cursive this year, because I had to be able to sign my name on my prints. I also learned that I can write backwards in cursive easier than I can forwards.

o2. Sometimes, if I'm close to finishing but truly cannot figure out the crossword puzzle, I make up words & subsequent definitions to finish it.

o3. My favorite (embarrassing) song is "Outside" by George Michael. I'm listening to it right now.

o4. My closet is color-coordinated in an OCD style, but mostly on my floor.

o5. My favorite speed to drive at is 96 MPH, because 3 is my favorite number-- and both 9 and 6 can be divided into 3, and made to be six, which can be divided by two to make 3. While it sounds crazy, this formula makes perfect sense in my head.

o6. Most (/all) social situations give me hives. I avoid the agony & anxiety by drinking white wine. (K... almost everyone who knows me knows this. I'm just formally putting it out there.)

o7. When I drink coffee, I drink it black. Always. But I prefer Diet Coke to coffee, even at 6am. And I prefer fountain Diet Coke to that in the can or bottle. And I don't drink Diet Coke because I think it's "better." I just like the taste. So suck it.

o8. I know all the words to Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby." I learned them by playing the song on repeat while on a 10-hour trip to Calgary.

o9. I'm INCREDIBLY superstitious.

1o. I LOATHE it when people abbreviate words to "u," "ur," "2," etc... even in text message. I'm a stickler for proper spelling, pronunciation and grammar... unless it pertains to my made-up words.

11. Barney's is to me as Tiffany's is to Holly Golightly.

12. I've been arrested twice.

13. I'm most productive when the weather matches my mood. Also, I often dress according to my mood.

14. I love the smell of darkrooms & developer chemicals. I consider the darkroom my first home, even if I rarely frequent it anymore.

15. I used to have imaginary pets, including a pony that lived in the guest bathroom, sharks that lived in the pool, and monkeys living in my favorite climbing tree. I named them all after crayon colors.

16. My favorite thing to do is read books with other people's notes in the margin. My second favorite thing to do is leave handwritten notes in the library books that people seldom check out.

17. My favorite food is canned corn. My second favorite food is chocolate ice cream.

18. I spent 6 months eating only canned corn, green beans, and Special K cereal. It was... special.

19. People tell me I'm "wise beyond my years," yet I find myself incredibly immature and irreverent.

20. While I've had many an argument with professors and colleagues alike, I truly do my best work at the last minute, and I perform best under pressure. To this day, I can't figure out why that is, but I know it to be true.

21. My favorite word is myriad. All my other favorite words begin with the letter S.

22. I only cut my hair to prove a point to someone, and I always regret it. While I feel better because I donate it, I feel incredibly insecure until it's grown long again.

23. I can still recite all 15 rules for comma usage, yet rarely abide by them.

24. I compulsively lie about stupid things like taming lions for a living and speaking Antarctica-n, yet absolutely cannot lie about anything having to do with my deeper life or anything I feel is truly important.

25. I'm simultaneously the best and worst secret-keeper I know.

And, in conclusion, a little insight into my personality.

SIDENOTE: I don't base anything I do on astrology, but as it pertains to my personality, it often rings scarily true.

I am a Fire Tiger / Taurus, born 4/30/1986.

The Fire Tiger reads as follows:

Colorful, active and dramatic, Fire Tigers are alight with passion, enthusiasm, vitality and verve. They are outgoing, communicative and optimistic and always ablaze with the excitement of the latest scheme. They have the Tiger's inborn powers of leadership in full portion and a natural ability to inspire other people with their own enthusiasm. They often have a natural wit too and powers of oratory to crown their charismatic and persuasive personalities. Fired with their own excitement and an endless supply of energy, they can even seem melodramatic and they may not be able to understand more cautions or down-to-earth approaches in others.

Add Taurus, reads as follows:

More down-to-earth than other Tigers, these people are practical and will finish tasks they start. They work well under pressure and can maintain their workloads through amazing efforts. They are passionate in their partnerships and provide stability to their loved ones.

See what I mean?

In other crazy personality news, my Myers-Briggs type is INFJ. Less than 1% of the population. Don't know what that means? See here.

Want to find out your own? See here.

In the meantime... wishing myself a VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY. And a VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY to anyone whose birthday falls within the 365-day calendar year and reads my nonsense. :)

dear 4am:

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!

The only time I bother to watch TV is during this ungodly hour which I'm subjected to because I'm an insane insomniac. Give me something other than informercials and Intervention and I may not complain so much.

In the mean time, GO PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE.

I guess I'm off to search for my Finding Nemo dvd. Someone recommended me to watch Black Swan, but if I wanted that kind of crazy... I'd videotape my own life.

So...

GO AWAY 4AM. AND TAKE YOUR GODDAMN CHIRPING BIRDS WITH YOU.

Love always,

Jackie