genius.

People are way too ready to call someone a genius nowadays.

I'm reserving that label for the person who invents a side-mirror where objects are the exact distance they appear.

here's the truth (remix):

I would NEVER do what you've done to me.

Mean-spirited and mean-hearted?

Look in the mirror, darling.

here's the truth:

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend;
I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations.
With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection--

The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.

--bright eyes, "lua"

check it--

goddamnit.

An introduction to the Oxford comma--

To top that off, I'll share with you my favorite punctuation joke of all time:

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

If you're not laughing out loud right now, you obviously didn't have Sr. O'Dea for high school English.

(PS: Read Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss. You won't regret it.)

(PPS: Listen to "Oxford Comma" by Vampire Weekend. It's not AMAZING, but it is enjoyable.)

Getting old:

Instead of trying to text friends without the teacher knowing, you're texting your friends knowing they have classes of highschoolers to teach.